my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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