when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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