i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
