I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Randomize
