I wannas sexs uuuuu
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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