tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
