Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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