At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
