i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
