So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
