im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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