You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
