U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
