He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
