After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
