she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize