You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
