I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
