when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
