I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
