you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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