Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
