I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
