its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
