when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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