i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
