So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You need a sexual gate keeper
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
