we're chasing vodka with high fives
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
