I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
