birth control should be required to get into college
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
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