Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
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