i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
