We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
