i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
