How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I puked a lego.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
