My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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