alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
