to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Fuck appropriateness.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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