So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
jump out the window naked night went bad
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
