It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
