...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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