ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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