Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
