Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
