YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I wear drunk well.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
