I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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