i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
