Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
