R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
