hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
