You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
