I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
