Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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