i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
