I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
