My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
40s are totally the cure
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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