some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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