he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
